Everyone has worries in life. Personally, I have tended to be a worrier since about age 6.
I remember the day it started. My father picked me up from school one sunny early Fall afternoon. This was out of the norm as my mother usually picked me up; I went to Catholic school and there was limited busing at the time.
When I got home my mother and grandfather were there. They all sat me down and told me that my parents were separating. It ripped the rug right out from under me.
All I wanted in life was an intact family again. That happened when they got back together and I was thrilled. However, my parents separated and reconciled numerous times.
I went from a happy, confident and outgoing kid to being excessively negative at times. As a Generation Xer I was far from the only kid dealing with this type of thing. But even those I knew with similar situations seemed to be more comfortable (at least publicly) with the dynamic while I just wasn’t.
I didn’t blame myself; I knew the reasons had nothing to do with me but I just couldn’t accept it because I knew it was wrong and resented it. I detested being at my father’s apartment. To me it might as well have been a foster home because of what it represented.
The constant ups and downs made me always worry. Combine that with being an only child with way too much time in his own head created a timid kid in many ways.
Even when things were good I worried they would go south and they always did. It was like I was perpetually walking around with a piano over my head.
I became a worrier. As I have written in previous articles, I combatted this as I got older by throwing myself into challenging situations.
Win or lose, facing fears and adversity as best I could built some character and empowered me. But I was still a negative worrier bracing for the worst day-to-day.
This will impede anyone from reaching his full potential. I always had a tendency to add to the challenge by also having to overcome negative thoughts and worry.
Reading books like The Bible, Gorilla Mindset, MAGA Mindset and How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big were very helpful in learning to cope better with worry and even eliminate some. My girlfriend bought me a few books on Valentines Day; one of them was How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie.
It wasn’t a quick page turner for me; it was more like a text book. Useful information, but not necessarily entertaining.
I have begun applying some of the techniques in this book and found them useful. They are very simple common sense strategies but only useful if you are mindful of them; the second part is still a work in progress.
These strategies include getting the facts about a possibly worrisome situation, not letting those you don’t like occupy your thoughts, staying busy, living in the moment, controlling what you can and giving the rest to God. The latter requires knowing the difference between the two.
One of the things that kept me with this book even when it got boring is that Carnegie is a Christian and an advocate for prayer. The other thing that stuck was the idea that the things we worry about (worst possible outcome) rarely happen.
That makes sense. Worry and fear come from the devil. He wants us miserable. These worries are usually lies because as Jesus says, Satan is a “liar and murderer from the beginning.”
If you are a person who often finds himself excessively worrying, give this book a shot. Talk soon.
-Marksman